i finally found it

i'm getting a moped, y'all. i thought i was getting a scooter, but mopeds are way cheaper, just as cute, and don't require a special license. i'll make it a present to myself for not smoking. oh, i want one now!

good news, bad news

Good news: the tide is turning!! i saw in the paper today that NY will recognize same sex marraiges performed in other countries and in other states!!! this is just too exciting and inspiring for words. i never thought this would happen so soon in my lifetime.

bad news: my no good, rotten, very bad day yesterday got WORSE. much worse. sweet jesus.

feral

sometimes i want to run away to a different country and never come back, or at least move to the west coast, which is like a different country. today is one of those days. i don't know if i'm pmsing way early, have residual anger over not smoking, or am just truly this irritated over the events of the day, but i think i'm snarling.

family. i understand why they drive so many to the couches of experts, because they can be maddening. like any relationship, families come with expectations and obligations, and when you don't act like the others, you get singled out. by you i mean me, of course. having family within a one hour radius of you also is the best blessing and a great burden, all at once.

AND! i am extraordinarily fortunate in having an amazing family who i adore - just not right at the moment. at all.

big bird

I want chickens. I want chickens so bad I can taste their cute little eggs in my mouth. Buddy was getting me two chicks (we picked them out at work) for my big 3-0 weeks ago, but rach put her foot down and said no. which makes sense, cause with all the packing and moving, job stresses and the tension with the dogs and cats, the last thing we need right now is two little chickens in the house. This brings me to reason #328 of why we’re a good match for each other because I would have found a way to keep them - they'd have been just fine in the guest bathroom.

So, I asked her if we could get the chickens for a housewarming gift (buddy said he’d help make the coop, too!) and she got upset with me and said she was simply overwhelmed with moving, her job, and thinking about the koi pond that I’m insisting on. So, no chickens right now.

But I think I’m going to broach the subject again in the fall. I am determined to have chickens, dammit. And kois. And two cats, two dogs, and four shrimp. One big happy family, y’all.

extra crunchy

Last night I made a squash casserole (hat tip to oprah) with my very own squashes and onions that rach and I planted from seed. I’ve had gardens before, and I’ve certainly grown squash, but I’ve never grown enough to actually make a dish. Rach used our basil to make a lovely pesto sauce for the pork. It was just…awesome.

We had a discussion about the viability of one day owning livestock and slaughtering them…it would be much more healthy, not to mention humane, than buying meat from Kroger but is it possible to disassociate from the emotions of living with animals? I mean, I personify my car and other inanimate objects…so the thought of eating snape the pig that I knew as a baby makes me feel dizzy. However, logically, it makes so much sense…to know where one’s food comes from, to care for it, etc. makes one appreciate things more, I think. But is it possible? I just don’t know.

Tick Tock

This face makes me want to have a kid.

lady fortuna, that tricky bitch

Well I thought 2007 and the difficulties of that year – my dad’s stroke and my aunt’s murder/suicide/accidental death – were done.

2008 comes and my grandmother passed suddenly and without explanation. And now it seems that lady fortuna’s wheel is still on a downward spiral for my family as my aunt Debbie has clear cell cancer, a most aggressive type, and has to under chemo and an emergency surgery to remove the equivalent of a 15 lb baby in a tumor.

Is it just that I’m older and these things happen as we age, or is my family cursed at the moment? I’m not sure. I’m not sure I even want to know.

and i cann't be mad at fortuna, because i also feel incredibly blessed with so many things in my life.

the complexities and minituae of life are just sometimes overwhelming. in a good way, mostly, but sometimes i just want to run away and hide.