i finally found it

i'm getting a moped, y'all. i thought i was getting a scooter, but mopeds are way cheaper, just as cute, and don't require a special license. i'll make it a present to myself for not smoking. oh, i want one now!

good news, bad news

Good news: the tide is turning!! i saw in the paper today that NY will recognize same sex marraiges performed in other countries and in other states!!! this is just too exciting and inspiring for words. i never thought this would happen so soon in my lifetime.

bad news: my no good, rotten, very bad day yesterday got WORSE. much worse. sweet jesus.

feral

sometimes i want to run away to a different country and never come back, or at least move to the west coast, which is like a different country. today is one of those days. i don't know if i'm pmsing way early, have residual anger over not smoking, or am just truly this irritated over the events of the day, but i think i'm snarling.

family. i understand why they drive so many to the couches of experts, because they can be maddening. like any relationship, families come with expectations and obligations, and when you don't act like the others, you get singled out. by you i mean me, of course. having family within a one hour radius of you also is the best blessing and a great burden, all at once.

AND! i am extraordinarily fortunate in having an amazing family who i adore - just not right at the moment. at all.

big bird

I want chickens. I want chickens so bad I can taste their cute little eggs in my mouth. Buddy was getting me two chicks (we picked them out at work) for my big 3-0 weeks ago, but rach put her foot down and said no. which makes sense, cause with all the packing and moving, job stresses and the tension with the dogs and cats, the last thing we need right now is two little chickens in the house. This brings me to reason #328 of why we’re a good match for each other because I would have found a way to keep them - they'd have been just fine in the guest bathroom.

So, I asked her if we could get the chickens for a housewarming gift (buddy said he’d help make the coop, too!) and she got upset with me and said she was simply overwhelmed with moving, her job, and thinking about the koi pond that I’m insisting on. So, no chickens right now.

But I think I’m going to broach the subject again in the fall. I am determined to have chickens, dammit. And kois. And two cats, two dogs, and four shrimp. One big happy family, y’all.

extra crunchy

Last night I made a squash casserole (hat tip to oprah) with my very own squashes and onions that rach and I planted from seed. I’ve had gardens before, and I’ve certainly grown squash, but I’ve never grown enough to actually make a dish. Rach used our basil to make a lovely pesto sauce for the pork. It was just…awesome.

We had a discussion about the viability of one day owning livestock and slaughtering them…it would be much more healthy, not to mention humane, than buying meat from Kroger but is it possible to disassociate from the emotions of living with animals? I mean, I personify my car and other inanimate objects…so the thought of eating snape the pig that I knew as a baby makes me feel dizzy. However, logically, it makes so much sense…to know where one’s food comes from, to care for it, etc. makes one appreciate things more, I think. But is it possible? I just don’t know.

Tick Tock

This face makes me want to have a kid.

lady fortuna, that tricky bitch

Well I thought 2007 and the difficulties of that year – my dad’s stroke and my aunt’s murder/suicide/accidental death – were done.

2008 comes and my grandmother passed suddenly and without explanation. And now it seems that lady fortuna’s wheel is still on a downward spiral for my family as my aunt Debbie has clear cell cancer, a most aggressive type, and has to under chemo and an emergency surgery to remove the equivalent of a 15 lb baby in a tumor.

Is it just that I’m older and these things happen as we age, or is my family cursed at the moment? I’m not sure. I’m not sure I even want to know.

and i cann't be mad at fortuna, because i also feel incredibly blessed with so many things in my life.

the complexities and minituae of life are just sometimes overwhelming. in a good way, mostly, but sometimes i just want to run away and hide.

i got my queer shoulder at the wheel, y'all

ok. i'm no longer identified as lesbian. you know why? because after being one for 30 years and observing them for 15, i've realized that lesbians are idiots. i do not consider myself an idiot, therefore i am no longer a lesbian. Queer is the word; like grease, but better. also, identity politics makes me cringe... i'm no self-hating queer, i'm loud and proud, but just not lesbian. thank you and goodnight.

What's So Great About Obama?

He is inspirational, I'll give him that, but beyond that what does he have besides great speeches? He talks about change, change, change, but what about experience? He has none. I'll defnitely vote for Obama if he gets the nomination; but until that day, it's Hillary or no one. I'm going to ride that wave all the way to shore, just like Dawson's Creek in its last horrific season.

obama and hillary

so. i've been a hillary supporter since she first burst on the scene in 1991, wearing headbands and big glasses, giving speeches on how she chose her career and motherhood and rocked it at both. it was love at first sight, really. in high school, i went to hear bill speak solely because i thought hillary might also be in attendance. i proudly had a "hillary is my hero" bumper sticker on my car all through the 90's when it was not cool to like her. in fact, i had to superglue and rubber cement the sticker on my car four times because it kept getting ripped off in parking lots.

this is all to say that obviously i've been supporting hillary in her presidential run. i've been appalled at how sexist our country seems to be, whilst simultaneously being proud that we've moved significantly beyond racial issues (not saying there aren't any - i'm not stupid - but gender seems to be a larger hindrance than race in THIS race). i've been more passionate about her run for president than i ever have been for anyone.

so, it comes as a surprise to me that lately i've really been liking what obama has to say. maybe the math just doesn't add up - maybe i'm ready for a reconciliation within the party to defeat the repubs - maybe i'm just tired (and bored, frankly) of the fighting. i've always liked obama - i even trudged through snow to hear him speak in Atlanta - but hillary, i think, is the right one for the job. BUT when i saw the crowds he was able to pull in Oregon - when i read his speech - it made me a little teary, and a lot hopeful. this man gets it.

i think i'm ready for him to the president. shocking.

i know who will carry this team

so oprah and i have finally decided to do a blog. how often will oprah blog? my guess is never. this should be titled Gayle's Blog, but we all know oprah won't have that.